2 Important Steps to a Happy Marriage

What makes a happy marriage? Why do some marriages last and others end in hurt and humiliation? Luck, past experiences in ones life, what exactly is it? After being married for 25 years and watching other people who have been married for a long period of time there are 2 common things that all these marriages have.

The first is common denominator is mindset. Marriage is a life long commitment, period. There should only be very limited reasons for leaving a marriage. Boredom, attraction to another person, weight fluctuation, monetary situations, none of those things fall into the limited reasons. You are to love that person above all other people, things, and events. Now, I truly believe that having faith and putting our marriage in God's hands is one of the reasons that my husband and I are still married. I can't imagine going through some of the crisis in our marriage without the council of God's Word and surviving.

You might be thinking right now, wait a minute, commitment? What are you talking about? I got married because I was madly, passionately in love. The problem with that is mad, passionate love easily can turn into mad passionate hate and disgust. The first time your darling upsets you and you are lying in bed wondering how in the world you are going to stand spending the rest of your life with the person lying next to you. Unfortunately, at that time of reflection a lot of people tend to forget the vows that they took at the beginning of this little trip down the marriage path. But before walking down that path let's stop and go back to the days of when you were single.

Now, I know that we all come from different walks of life and that we all have our own personal baggage. Guess what, your future mate is going to be bringing in their own personal baggage as well. It's going to get crowded in the relationship fast! This is when the first conflicts start to raise their ugly little heads. How are you going to handle the differences, those little "incidents" that seem pretty trivial can be blown up into an all out battle when one gets annoyed, tired or upset. Right now, right at that moment is when your character is going to reveal itself and how you will handle the problems that will arise once you get married. Do you have the mindset of commitment? If not, those little incidents that turned into big fights could be enough to separate you from your marriage.

The second denominator is communicating. Now I understand that communicating can mean different things for different couples. Even different people within the relationship. It is usually thought that the woman does more talking then the man. And that might be true. But I haven't used the word, talk. I'm using the word communicate and we all know there is a difference.

Communicate to each other more then just how the job is going, how the children are behaving. Talk to each about your goals and your desires. What dreams do you have? Is there something that is bothering you, confide it to your mate. What are your fears? As a married couple you have something that nobody else has each other. Communicating can keep your marriage working like a well oiled machine.

There is no way you can know what the other is thinking without listening to what your spouse says. And believe it or not listening is the most important key to communicating. When your spouse talks to you puts down whatever you are doing and looks them in the eye while they speak. Afterward, repeating back to them what you heard: you just had a conversation; Listen, hear and repeat.

So the 2 important steps to a happy marriage is your mindset of being committed to your marriage so that you will not let the little incidents in life build up and come between you and your spouse. And that you will communicate with them, tell them more then just how your day was but your hope and dreams; your fears and you will do the same for them.