Teach Your Child to Understand and Follow Directions - Steps to Help

It's important for you to notice what and how well your child understands what is said to him versus how well he picks up clues from situations. Why is it important? If your child does not understand language, he isn't going to use language well for his age.

Many parents have told me during speech-language assessments, "Oh, he knows where to throw away the tissue after he wipes his nose." On closer examination, it becomes apparent that the child does not understand the spoken direction, "Go throw your tissue in the trash," but rather that he has learned what he is supposed to do and always does-throw the tissue in the trash.

There are many things families do routinely in their homes. Many children who don't understand spoken language well are fairly good at learning some of these routines. They know where things are, they know what to do with them, and they know what action follows another.

If you really want to know what your child understands and how well she understands, you have to check it out in an unfamiliar/non-routine situation without pointing to or looking at the thing you are talking about. For example, a child might understand, "Get the spoon," if it just fell on the floor, and she heard it fall, but she might not understand, "Get the spoon" if you say it "out of the blue" while standing in the middle of the kitchen away from the location of the spoons. This is a test and not a teaching step, but it is important for you to find out. 

Here I will share with you some steps to follow to help your child learn to understand and follow directions that you give. You need to go on to the next step only if your child did not follow the direction--either he didn't understand, or he didn't comply. Praise him as soon as he does what you asked by saying the key words again in your praise, for example, "Good! You put your shoes over by the door." 

Here's a hierarchy to follow:

State a direction without adding any gestures.
Restate the direction using the same words so he has another chance to process the same words.
Restate the direction using the same words and providing gestures or demonstration of what he is to do.
Say the direction a different way, perhaps providing more information.
Say it again and assist him to do it ["hand over hand"-your hands guiding him through the task.]
As he is doing the task, comment, "That's it! Your are putting your jacket on the chair." [or whatever it is you asked him to do]

Remember to praise when done using the words from the first presentation of the direction: "Good-you put your jacket on the chair."

Give your child directions to follow throughout the day that are at his level of understanding, gradually making them more challenging either by making them longer or saying them in ways you haven't tried before. Get his attention and then state the direction without pointing or otherwise gesturing. Use the hierarchy as needed to help him succeed. 

As your child learns to understand more of what you say, his expressive language skills are likely to increase, also.